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Real life issues, discussion, and advice

Wanting guys I can't have

#13366450
So recently I went from liking a guy from work who I had hooked up with (update: he's a douchebag) to having a crush on a guy I met online who, as it turns out, lives only like 20 miles away from me. The problem is this guy is super duper shy, has like no self esteem, and barely talks to me because he worries about coming across as "clingy." After dealing with the last guy, though, I can't help but feel suspicious that he just doesn't actually want to get to know me or encourage me to like him more. I know he talks to a lot of girls online, but I know I shouldn't jump to conclusions and assume he's saying the same kinds of things to them as he says to me. I just wish I could convince him to trust me and give me a chance. I don't even mean that I want to rush into a relationship, I just hope to get a chance to meet him in person. Ugh, this is so frustrating! Why does every guy I end up liking keep pushing me away? T-T

Re: Wanting guys I can't have

#13366459
Sometimes it'd be so nice if all life was as simple as Tinder for my sister :joy:
When she matches up with a guy there and it seems okay, within the first few messages she'll go straight into saying to meet up.
She doesn't have the patience for all the chat back and forth when she's got half a dozen other matches and when chemistry can be quite different IRL.

I definitely understand your want to push for an RL meeting, too. Regardless of any romantic interest, if you talk to someone online for a while and get along well and then find out they live close... I'd be all over heading straight over to them to meet up!
I drove 5 hours by train, each way, twice to meet an online buddy who was nearby for a few weeks. And we weren't even that close before and haven't talked in forever, since, but it was nice to see that what did keep us buddies online also worked offline, regardless!

Of course, it could go the other way. Maybe he feels more confident when being able to pick his words online or is insecure about appearances or whatever? Maybe there's worry that if you don't go together well offline, the online friendship will be gone.
Or maybe he really isn't that into you =/
I'd be all for asking, in your position, to be honest. Like, if you can't communicate openly and honestly about it right now, then how's that a good basis for.. whatever it is or could be?

But then, a bit like my sister, I feel like I've just grown old and impatient and can't be arsed with wishy-washy he-likes-me-he-likes-me-nots (and have been lucky enough that I didn't need to rattle my brain over it the last couple of times, cause that, especially if things went nowhere cause I just flat out ignored THE OBVIOUS SIGNS and ran headfirst into walls, was hella frustrating).

Re: Wanting guys I can't have

#13367847
Francis wrote:But then, a bit like my sister, I feel like I've just grown old and impatient and can't be arsed with wishy-washy he-likes-me-he-likes-me-nots (and have been lucky enough that I didn't need to rattle my brain over it the last couple of times, cause that, especially if things went nowhere cause I just flat out ignored THE OBVIOUS SIGNS and ran headfirst into walls, was hella frustrating).
THISSSS. This so much!!!

I've only been in one relationship, which I broke up with the guy. I ignored very early signs that I should have broken it off earlier and he even sometimes told me he didn't know what he wanted. It was so frustrating for me the whole time (maybe for him, too). Tbh I would not even talk to that guy anymore just based on what you've already said about him. It can be pretty terrible having no confidence/self-esteem and it probably won't help him to disappear if that's really his issue, but I don't think it will be fair to you to have to put up with the wishy-washy, inconsistent behavior because of it.

I have basically no patience for that stuff from anyone. I'm not looking for romantic partners anymore and barely looking for friends because I've already gone through so much fakeness and bullshittery and I just don't have time anymore for it lmao. You gotta take care of yourself first! If someone can't commit one way or another, move on to someone who can.

Re: Wanting guys I can't have

#13368402
insaneluzer wrote:
Mon Mar 20, 2017 9:19 am
I know he talks to a lot of girls online, but I know I shouldn't jump to conclusions and assume he's saying the same kinds of things to them as he says to me
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